40 Days - Day 30 - Living with an angry person

I focused the study on avoiding angry people, but what if you're married to an angry person? What if you have a parent or a child who is an angry person? What wisdom does God have for You? The great news is that God has the grace and wisdom to equip you to live in wisdom with that person. It won't be easy, but you can glorify God even in that situation. (I'm going to use "he" throughout the article, but women can be just as guilty of anger issues)

Principle 1 - Pray for yourself (grace and peace) and pray for the angry person in your life. If he is a believer, pray that the Holy Spirit will bring conviction and hope into his life. If he is not a believer, pray that God will open his heart to the life changing gospel of Jesus Christ. Pray also that he will see the destructive power of his anger.

Principle 2 - Determine what kind of anger you're dealing with. Biblically, there are two kinds of anger. There is the explosive, volcanic anger that erupts fairly quickly and showers those around with burning lava, and there is the crock pot kind of anger that bubbles beneath the surface and rarely goes away. Both kinds of anger are destructive. The second is more difficult to deal with because the person often responds, I'm not angry and won't deal with the issues honestly.

Principle 3 - Control your emotions. Remember Pr 15:1, "a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." You can't control the anger of another, but you can choose to raise or lower the emotional temperature of the situation by your own responses. DISCRETION! Be "quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger." (James 1:19)

Principle 4 - Choose your times wisely - So often, the only times we say important things to others is when we're mad. That's usually the worst time to communicate, especially with an angry person. Get a neutral setting (Starbucks, a restaurant, a park, etc) and quietly bring up the issues you want to discuss there.

Principle 5 - Be wise in how you bring up their anger. If you say things like, you always do this, or if you exaggerate their actions - you don't really help them. Learn to quietly describe their behavior and how it affects you. You won't change them, but God can.

Principle 6 - Do not accept illegal behavior. If the anger crosses the line into physical abuse either against you or children, call the police. Let him or her know that you will do this and have a plan in mind so you can get to a phone quickly. I've seen even the threat of anger becoming public a powerful tool in helping a person to gain a measure of control.


Well, these are just a few ideas. The point is, there is hope. Let me know what other questions you have.